Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply because I'm not you.

i am not perfect. k? i get that. but you don't have to tell me everyday. you don't need to remind me i'm a little bit of a...

[slut]

[bitch]

[hypocrite]

[idiot]

[strange]

[other.things.i'm.not.putting.on.the.internet]

k? i get it. i'm not perfect. i never said i was.

stop judging, just because i'm better than you ever will.

don't hate me cause you ain't me.

don't make up shit about me, just cause you're jealous.

we all know you hate me, keep it to yourself.

i'm trying to be myself in a world that wants me to be someone else, and that's more than you are doing.

maybe if you got rid of those "friends" and got with people who loved you, for you, then maybe you'd get why i'm different.

you don't know the silent struggles we are going through. please don't be naive and think you are. cause you don't. be understanding, and love everyone cause you don't know what they're going through.

i don't hate you. i won't hate you. i can't hate you.

((what did i ever do to you?))

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The square pegs in round holes. The ones who see things differently. They aren't fond of rules, and they have no respect for status quota. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the one thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward and while some see crazy ones - we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that can change the world, are the ones that do

i've been thinking a lot about this concept recently. how do you change the world? well, you first have to have the desire. then, a plan. then, the most important part, act! acctually do something. we all sit around thinking, hey. that's a great idea. we should try to change that. and by we, i mean you. maybe if we would just get off our lazy butts every once and a while, the world would be a better place. and that would be great.

well, i survived 3rd term. and i'm pretty proud of myself. that is all.

<3, me :]

school:the.9th.circle.of.hell

Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking. Or much for speaking. Or, come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from eighth grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise my advice is; Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless experience proves you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor IS naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you

my future valedictorian address. that is all.

well, i was sitting at my desk doing my piles of makeup work and quite frankly, dying a little inside. missing 11 days of school in 3rd term is NOT a good idea, and i thought, "hey. i haven't blogged in a while. so that's what i'll do". and i did. i turned on my computer and i am now blogging :] well, tomorrow is the end of the worst term of my entire life. 3rd term, junior year sucks. it's like i have junioritus: the insatiable need and want to be a senior. it's great. not.

well, life has been way interesting. probably too interesting to be good. let me tell you. i can't even tell you what a typical day has been, cause there hasn't been a "typical" day. some days look like this:

5:45: wake up.

5:47: go back to sleep.

6:45: "meghan get up! you're driving carpool today!"

6:51: start my car. scrape ice (probably my LEAST favorite thing to do in my whole life)

6:55: pick up sara and james.

7:17: arrive at school.

7:20: go to math room to complete last night's homework.

7:30-3:10: school. complete with stupid drama, idiotic boys, a few tears, way too much boring-ness, texting the only person keeping me sane, being awesome.

3:15: text sent to like... 5 people: "need a ride home today?" most of the time answer: "no"

3:35: leave school, because i am awesome and our parking lot SUCKS during peak carpool hours.

4:05: arrive home.

4:10-3:30: homework.

3:30-5:45: sleep

repeat.

somedays it looks like this, and meghan is happy :]

5:45: wake up.

5:47: go back to sleep.

6:45: be all ready to go, my hair actually straightened, makeup, not wrinkly clothes, breakfast, actually looking like a girl and presentable.

6:50: start my car. no ice to scrape :]

6:55: pick up sara and james.

7:17: arrive at school.

7:20: go to math room to complete last night's homework.

7:30-3:10: school. complete with stupid drama, idiotic boys, a few tears, way too much boring-ness, texting the only person keeping me sane, being awesome.

3:15: text sent to like... 5 people: "need a ride home today?" most of the time answer: "no"

3:35: leave school, because i am awesome and our parking lot SUCKS during peak carpool hours.

4:05: arrive home.

4:10-9:00: hang out with friends. go on random crazy adventures of chandler and meghan. frolic. etc. 

9:05-3:30: homework.

3:35-5:45: sleep.

yes. not much changes. but those little changes make life worth it. :]

but i love my school. kind of alot.

and now, since my life isn't amazing enough, i was picked to do MUN, Model United Nations, this year. it's going to be really great, and my partner and i are going to rock it up, and i'm really excited. we are doing the legal council and our country is Austria, and i'm a little excited. :]

on saturday i went to AF's prom. it was really fun. :] i made alot of new friends, and saw alot of people i don't get to see often, because of school and going to a charter school and other awesome things. :]

but yeah. basically school rules my life. it's kind of great. right now, and the end of the term is tomorrow, my grades look like this:

Math: B+ 88%

AP Biology: C- 66% (that will be changed! marshall... grrr...)

TA: A 100%

Seminary: A (not really a percent :))

AP US Government: A 105%

US History: A 108%

Language Arts: A 104%

History: A 99%

i.love.life. sometimes, my crazy effort on school actually shows. except my math grade is TICKING ME OFF. alot.

but next year, i'm going to beauty school! concurrently with snior year, the tution is waived. which is the best thing ever. so instead of $5,000, i only have to pay the $2,000 for my kit, and boom. i'll have a good job to get me through college :]

well, this post is way longer than i had planned. i needs to be makin' up more work. but just thought i'd check in on y'all :]

i heart ya!!! :]

<3 love <3 , me :]

second.chances

See, that's the thing about second chances. It's two people that are there for each other and support each other and care about each other no matter how much they want to deny it. It's about one person doing everything they can to make sure the other doesn't fall and vice-versa. Second chances are about holding on to that other persons hand no matter how hard they beg to let go.

i don't know if second chances are whats right for me, right now. i don't even really know if they even exist. but this is me, meghan carpenter, down on my knees, begging for a second chance. and i don't like feeling so vulnerable. i hate it, quite frankly. but if that's what it takes, i'm doing it. i'm going to do anything and everything i can to get you back. i love you, and it's killing me. you're slowly ripping out my insides and i don't know what to do about it.

this week.... the only thing i can say to describe it is hell. this week has been my very own, personal hell. but what makes it so much worse is knowing that i did this to myself. i let all the stupid little things he did frustrate me so much, that i lost the only thing that i really wanted. him. he who has helped me through everything. opened the door for me. carried my books. bought my roses. was the best date to any date dance ever. helped me through surgery. cared about me, genuinely, last night, when no one else knew what to do. why did i let you go......

* oh how life never ceases to amaze *

live life crazy and love every minute of it

sorry about that previous post. it's been a long couple of days. but hi. i'm meghan, and what else is new? it's okay. life is just hard and interesting sometimes. but here is my random thought of the day:

if you have the opportunity to make someone else happy, jump for it. i had the wonderful privilege of helping a dear friend during lunch today. made me happy. also, i said yes to a guy to go to prom with him, against my wishes and hopes. if that is what will make them happy, then you should be all over it. it makes you feel better. it makes them feel better. it makes everyone feel better. just do it.
love, me

falling... slowly and painfully falling.

Before I met you, I was always considered the strong one, the one who never got hurt; I could do anything and never fall. I felt like I was the epitome of invincibility; of confidence. Now you've come along, you've broken my heart, and you've shaken me from that really strong foundation that I had spent years constructing. I found out more about myself than I ever had before. I found that my foundation wasn't as strong as I thought it was -- I found that love isn't all it's cracked up to be -- and I found that this time, maybe I won't be able to get back up quite so easily
i was doing fine. i really was. but then you had to come back, asking why i did it. and i had to tell you. i had to tell you you didn't do anything. it really isn't your fault. it's mine. it's my fault i am deathly afraid of being cheated on. my fault i'm deathly afraid of being pushed into things i'm not comfortable with. my fault i don't know how to trust people. my fault i let all those little things you did bug me. it's all my fault. not of it is yours. it never was, never will be.

ummm... yeah

There's no doubt about it--breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed, especially that boy who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is.
ummmm.... yeah. that's all i can say.

he's just not that into you

If a dude isn't calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he's dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth: he's just not that into you if he's not treating you like the princess that you are, it's time to move on and find another knight in shining armor. that is all.

trust... it's a sticky thing.

How can you expect him to totally trust you when you don't totally trust him? You have to start to learn to trust sometime or another. Why don't you start now? He won't hurt you, I believe that, but because of everything that happened, you won't let yourself believe it. And he needs to see that you believe in him and are willing to trust him before he can totally trust you. It's a confidence thing.
k, well, here's the thing. i have serious trust issues, because of thing that have happened to me in the past. well, actually, my trust issues have issues. it's kind of sad. i find it really hard to trust people, especially boys. sometimes, i make the mistake of trusting someone too much too early, or not early enough. i have ruined alot of potential friendships that way, but i can't really do anything about it. i have had a rough time with boys and i don't like trusting them, because i have gotten hurt by them. so, if anyone reading this blog was my friend, or is my friend, and you feel like i don't trust you, that's because i don't. but that's not your fault, and i'm sorry. i really am working on it... i really am...

people.i.couldn't.live.without

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything- Muhammed Ali

Kemsley Corell

this girl. she has probably helped me through more things than any other person i have ever met. she is pretty much my soul sister. we finish each other’s sentences, can communicate without talking and are pretty much inseparable. we even had our socratic teacher convinced we were sisters! :] i love her, kind of a lot.

Marc Luthy

i honestly don’t know where or who i’d be without this child. he is so amazing, and kind of really cool. even though he hurts himself a lot, he never fails to make me laugh, even when I don’t want to smile. && i love him. alot. :]

Kate Winward

oh my. what to say? kate. I love her a lot. she pretty knows everything about me, like how crazy and random and weird I am, but she still chooses to be seen with me in public. she has such a sweet, giving spirit and I love her so much.

Chandler Merkley

because he truly is one of my best friends. whether it is just random trips to walmart to get donuts, or adventures up the canyon just talking, this boy never ceases to amaze me. even though there was some weird hormonal stuff goin’ on there in the beginning, he is seriously one of the sweetest, most caring people I have ever met. and I’m pretty sure he came and visited me every single day I was all surgery-ish. don’t think I could thank him enough.

Kyli McPherson

she’s my math buddy! :] and Mr. Watabe seems to think we are interchangeable. :) but she has helped me through a lot too, because we have/go through a lot of the same things, and that’s really cool :] nice to know I have a friend who always has great advice and I love her for it :]

and yes, i am a creepy facebook stalker. stolen picture from facebook :] but i think it's adorable. and very ky.

the.unhealthy.addictions

unhealthy obsession #1: MARSHMALLOWS

I just love them. they are so gooey and chewy and I pretty much live on them :]

 

 

unhealthy obsession #2: SillyBandz
"Holy cow, Meghan? Do you think you have enough silly bandz?" "Umm... Nope." It's true. I have a few. Well, probably more than a few. I have alot. And I am a little afraid to count them. There are probably like... 300 easily. But i like them!!! :] so i'm probably gonna get more. justsoyouknow :]

meghan.lanae

i'm meghan lanae. 
i like to pretend I’m pretty awesome. sometimes, and on tuesdays.
i love my friends with all my heart, and i don’t know what i’d be without them.
i am a junior at Karl G. Maeser Preparatory Academy. before i went to that school, i didn’t know how to spell preparatory. just thought you should know :]
i really like square-y smiley faces, like this one :]
i still sleep with 4 stuffed animals, a unicorn that my daddy gave me when we left California but he had to stay back. my doll named babs-la-blank. i got her when i was 5 and i love her with all my heart. my teddy bear from my parents for valentines day today, and my stuffed elephant named howard i got from my aunt on the day of my gallbladder removal surgery.
oh yes. i occasionally have problems with my absence of a gallbladder. no one really knows.
i ALWAYS have a flower, or clip, or something accessory-ish in my hair. i’m a little addicted. not gonna lie.
and i am really random.
oh! and i probably have a few too many silly bands. or at least that’s what everyone tells me. :]
i like polka dots [:
i have a “happy” collage on the back of my bedroom door. i kind of love it a lot :]
i'm 16 years old and i'm only now learning how to cry.
i spent a long time completely numb. not feeling happiness, saddness, anything. i just existed.
but not anymore.[:
i'm alive. i'm living. i'm dreaming. i'm thriving. i'm striving. i'm dying, but that's okay[:
i love fashion. almost no one knows that about me, but i love it.
i love anything vintage. if it's old, or from the 80's, i love it.
music is my life. i listen to it everyday, and i don't know what i'd do without it.
i'm secretly a 4.0 student. but it's a secret. so don't tell anyone.
i have feelings! i know! crazy? yeah.
i know i may be young, but i have been heartbroken. i have been in love. i know i have, and it doesn't matter that you don't think so.
i have one of the worst cases of OCD i've ever seen.yay for CBT[:
i save text messages, just so i can read them over and over[:
my best friend is a boy. basically all of my friends are boys.
i hate girls. it's not a problem.
i have 2 pair of toms, and i'm pretty sure they are the most comfortable things i have ever put on my feet[:
i'm practically vegetarian, i have celiacs disease and i'm lactose intolerant. yeah... resturants hate me[:
my closest friend doesn't exist, and i'm okay with that[:
i am only me, and that’s exactly who i wanna be. cause if i wasn’t me, then who would i be?
and my FAVORITE dr. seuss quote (i’m a little obsessed with that man, btw) is: “I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”

i am eating marshmellows hidden under my bed.
i am playing the piano when i'm stressed.
i am singing at the top of my lungs when no one is around.
i am going crazy at school dances, and just having fun.
i am only crying in the shower.
i am proud to be an american.
i am making lists, and checking things off.
i am staring at the stars, and hoping for a falling one.
i am watching lightening out my bedroom window, and not being able to sleep until the storm is over.
i am the polka dots that cover my bedroom.
i am spending 23 minutes on facebook at 2 in the morning.
i am an over-acheiver.
i am having things come out of my mouth that i don't think through.
i am watching Disney Channel and Cinderella movies in my "spare time".
i am tapping 8 times on the wall outside my bedroom before i enter it.
i am CSI, Criminal Minds and Bones.
i am a lot of good ideas, and high aspirations.
i am printing double sided to save the earth.
i am wearing a tutu to the Winter Formal, just because i could.
i am a hopeless romantic.
i am decorating my binders 2 months before school starts.
i am pink and yellow streamers that cover my houes for my sweet 16.
i am the enthusiastic maker of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, although i'm allergic to peanuts.
i am learning new words by reading the dictionary.
i am camelot and shakespeare.
i am my grandmother's number one granddaughter.
i am a bit overly dramatic.
i am not being able to form logical sentences.
i am the world's pickiest eater.
i am heart broken...
i am getting over the loss of two really great friends.
i am making some really great new ones.
i am staying up until one in the morning doing homework on the second day of school.
i am banana milkshakes after dinner.
i am glitter in my veins and hot pink, through and through.
i am homemade root beer and barbequed corn with all my best friends.
i am kinda crazy, a little loud, sometimes obnoxious, a little out there, but, in the end,
i am just me.

same ol' story, just a different month

you can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. it's when the mere thought of losing a friend can bring you to tears almost instantly. the pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you, when the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realizes what they may be losing.

i'm not afraid of losing the you i have. i'm afraid of losing the friend that i love in you. i'm afraid of having one less person i can talk to. i'm afraid of losing the you i love, the one i can be crazy and just me with. the one i can run to when i'm crying and know you'll be there. i'm afraid of losing that you.

love,    
meghan.lanae   

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-- beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

beautiful quote. i kind of love it alot. and it's so true. we sit around waiting for some huge event to change our whole lives, and that does happen sometimes. but more often we are changed by the cute, little moments that, looking back, mean everything. <3

my.daisy.list

The Daisy List is the ever growing inventory of things to do before I’m pushing up daisies. They aren’t in any particular order. Some are huge, some are small and the rest lie somewhere in between. I may never be able to tick them all off but I’m sure going to have fun trying!

Hike into Machu Picchu

Go on a seaplane island picnic

Take a canoe out and have a picnic

Get a pedicure and manicure

Visit Canada

Go on an ocean racing yacht

A photography workshop for Roy

Ride an elephant

Teepee camping trip to see the northern lights of Canada

See the Melbourne Cup live with friends

Go to the Aussie Open

Go to a Space Center

Look into a volcano

Climb a mountain

Be part of a movie

Go sky diving

Meet Oprah

Check out Spain

Have a giant bonfire with friends

Make a giant chocolate chip cookie

Go on an African safari

Drive the Great Ocean Road

See Ayers Rock

Plant a herb garden

Go heli skiing

Hot lap in a V8 racing car

Go to an outdoor movie

Write a children’s book

Autobahn(:

Publish a book

Swim with wild dolphins

Spend a day at a spa with my favourite girls

Take Roy to a Laker's game, front row, center court.

Spend 3 months getting my body into shape

Buy Mum a personal shopping and style consultation

Go to a health retreat

Take in a show at the local theatre

Totally lazy day watching movies with Roy (preferably a rainy day)

Pay a toll for the next car at a toll gate

Get Roy hot laps in.. that one car he loves that starts with a K that I can never spell right(:

Stay at Secrets on the Lake at Montville

Go to Turkey for the Gallipoli service on ANZAC day

Go hot air ballooning

Go white water rafting

Make a cupcake stack for someone’s birthday

Get a dog from an animal refuge

Go to Thailand

Ride a camel

Plant a tree

Sleep under the stars

Adopt a little girl from Russia

Learn to juggle with 3 balls

Stay in an over water bungalow

Own my own island

Destroy a computer

Actually have a 3 course meal

Donate blood

Run a successful business

Tour with a major band

Stay with Roy in Manzanillo

Go to Bedarra Island

Go on a house boat

Ski a double black diamond run

Visit Pearl Harbor

Try zorbing (i mean with a name like that:))

Take m children on a Disney cruise

Cuddle a koala

Gold class movie night

Beach horse ride

Watch a sunset in the desert outside Dubai

Go on the “Ice Breaker” trek to the South Pole

Take Roy on a rally driving experience

Go to a yoga class

Take Roy on a boardwalk bike ride, picnic and swim at the beach

Harbour yacht cruise with Roy's family

Take out a pontoon BBQ boat with friends

Picnic dinner overlooking the beach

See the pyramids

Have a chef cook our family dinner at our house

Get a hot stone massage

Surprise someone with a dozen red roses

Volunteer at a charity event

See the great wall of China

Watch “Gone With the Wind”

Visit Prague

Fly first class

Go to a restaurant and order dessert first

Go around the world visiting the major city in every country

A Short Note, More to Come

And I just don't want to live without you...I hope that's not a problem

Well,I think, i've been thinking way too much about his mission. him being the love of my life. he will be 19 in january, and in my religion, 19 year old boys, and 21 year old girls, have the oppertunity to go and preach about our gospel for 2 years. and it's an amazing oppertunity, and I know i shouldn't be worried about him going... I guess i'm not worried about him, the Lord will protect him and he'll come home refreshed and more spiritually uplifted, and I know that, i'm worried about me. worried that i love him too much. or worried that i'm going to fall madly head over heels in love with someone else while he's gone... i know. i know what you're thinking, "maybe you and him weren't meant to be". and i know that's a very good possibility. I mean how often do high school relationships even lead to anything? hardly ever. But i don't want to lose him, even if he is only meant to be a friend. youknow? i want him at my wedding, and to know and love my husband and I basically don't want me and him to end up like my ex... I just love him too much, as a person, and a Son of my Heavenly Father. he really is amazing, and someday he's going to meet an amazing girl and take her to the temple. i know that. and if that is meant to be me, then cool. but if not, that's okay too :) I guess... I just have to trust the Lord and His plan for now. And someday this will all make sense.

love, me