untitled.

It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like... everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you go see some movie or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels... empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't?

the worst feeling in the world

the worst feeling in the world is when you look into the eyes of the one you love and they look away.

there's nothing as knowing that they would rather look at anything -- the cracked cement floor, the peeling paint in the corner of the room, the stranger that just walked by -- than at you. 

but perhaps the saddest thing of all is having to tell yourself to move on and look away too.  

***

sometimes i wonder how different things would have been if we had known each other as kids. maybe then i'd understand why you are the way you are and you'd understand why i am the way i am. 

***

would you even notice if we never talked again, or if i never looked at you again, or if i gave up trying to make you see me? i know i'm not the only person who has ever wondered this. but i do know that i am the only one who thinks these questions every night while trying to let you go.

and i'm trying. i'm really trying to let you go.

rant.

there is so much pressure to have a plus one. 
like if you don't, you're damaged or broken. 
well, i for one really enjoy being single. 
here is why:
i can flirt with whomever i choose.
no commitments.
i can be alone sometimes and it's not weird.
no pressure.
lots of dates. 
meeting new people.

like, why is it so weird that i am enjoying not being tied down?
i can be whoever i want to be this way. 
and that, my friends, is worth it to me. 
for now anyways:)

random quote for your enjoyment:)
"Okay. The best way to get over an it-doesn’t-matter guy is to find a new one. Preferably one who looks good bare chested in red suspenders." -Beauty and the Beast, Thursday nights at 8PM:)

my heart isn't breaking. not this time.

My heart's not breaking, dear.
Don't flatter yourself.
You gave me temporary glaucoma, but I can see again.
You told me about your playground girls and 
your Los Angeles girl and 
all those other high school girls.
 

I found our notebooks by the way.

I tucked them away in a box to deal with later.

I stared at the sun too long and your image burned onto my eyelids. But I blinked -one-two-three- and that was that.

The word 'vague' sticks in the back of my mouth and tastes like a swamp.

I'll gargle you away in a day or two.

I lost approximately zero minutes of sleep over you.

Don't worry, darling.

My heart isn't breaking.

And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. 

as of now.

it goes like this:

i am not so sick anymore.

i broke my phone, then fixed it. but it still doesn't really work.

i have seen every episode of criminal minds ever made.

i love my family more than anything.

i deactivated my twitter and facebook. 

my car needs new brakes.

i might have to move, and i'm okay with it.

my best friend leaves in a week for pennsylvania. i couldn't be more excited for her.

life is just good.