Monday, April 30, 2012

isn't there somebody who still believes in love?

love is a temporary madness. it erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. and when it subsides you have to make a decision. you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. because this is what love is. love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. that is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. that's what we have, we have roots that grew toward each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches, we found that we were one tree and not two.

there you have it, young love. full of promise. full of hope. ignorant of reality.

one day it all catches up with you, every ended relationship, every tear shed, every broken heart, you pick up the pieces , you brush them off, and you put them back together, only each time you need a little more glue, then, just like that, glues not enough anymore, the cracks, the holes, the shattered dreams, they're a part of you, and try as you might, you can't fix what's been broken, you can't mend what's been torn, you're downtrodden, pathetic, unable to go on, or so you think. then he walks into your life, and with a smile, a whisper, and a kiss, you're no longer broken, your world of gray becomes a little brighter, a little more colorful, the more time you spend with him, the more complete your once fragile, shattered heart becomes, until one morning you wake up and just like that, you're in love, and the grass is greener, and the sky is bluer, and the past, is the past, you are no longer consumed with regret, remorse, and pain, yet in the back of your mind, in the depths of your heart, one thing lingers, fear. fear of what you're risking, fear of going back, fear of being broken again, this time, forever. then he smiles and says the three words you've been longing to hear, and nothing else matters.

Only one person finds the way to your heart. The others just lead the way.

sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on Valentine's Day and romance in the movies. we begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. for love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams. love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. and this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy is the greatest treasure of all -- one known only by those who love.

love is appreciating your differences as well as your similarities.

when you want to spend every waking moment of every single day with him, and no matter what you're doing, even if you feel like crap, you want to share it with him. when you think of him before you think of yourself, or anything else for that matter. when you want him to know every little thing about you, and you want to know everything about him. when you want to be able to finish his sentences and him finish yours. when you're willing to make yourself miserable looking at cars, or some guy thing he's interested in, just to be him with . . . to have that extra moment with him that you would not have had otherwise. when he is all that you think of, dream of, and you don't care about anything else but him . . . that's love.

so, here the thing. i have fallen completely head over heels. all the way, completely. there is no one else in the entire world that i would rather spend every minute of the rest of my life with. he's my hero, my role model, and most importantly, my best friend. 
i love you baby.(: never forget it.

prom countdown: 5 days.(:

high school ... it happens to everyone.  and for four years it has a way of dividing us. athletes over cheaters, drama queens, misfits, jokers. but then, just before it ends, we were almost at the door. one night has a way of bringing us together -PROM.

it's the one night when nobody cares who wore the varsity jacket, and who got cut from the team. it's the night when you might find yourself singing at the top of your lungs, with people you've never even spoken too. the night when that cute guy from your math class might finally make his move. 

prom's our night, and each of us wants it to be unforgettable. prom is that one night when nice guys might not finish last. when friends might completely surprise you. when the person you were in high school could change in an instant. maybe you'll find what you're lookin' for. or maybe you'll just find yourself. it's true.  one night can bring us all together but it's more than that. 'cause when it ends, it's really just the beginning.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

current playlist.

boys like girls.
panic at the disco.
fall out boy.
neon trees.
blink 182.
good charlotte
relient k.
the offspring.
nine days. 

good. i'm angst...y? how do you spell that google? cause it's not Angstrom, or angostura, or Angus... i think it's angsty. hmph. 

blast from the past.

i have a dream last night where i literally relived every minute of my last relationship. worst dream i have ever had. i was doing so well at repressing it, but now, i have been reminded off all the shit that has happened to me because of him. 
i don't love him and i never did. i didn't know what love was. yes, it hurt when he left, because, not only did he leave me at the worst time of my entire life, he was my best friend. yes, it sucked to have to see him everyday that  i was hurting, macking on his new girlfriend. ((he said 3 months was a short time... damn...)) but, i never loved him. he was there for me when i needed him, and in my worst times, he walked away. sooo, he never loved me either. 
and besides, i love skyler more than i have ever loved anyone in my entire life. ever. i know, you've heard it before, but it's true. he's the best, most loving, caring, compassionate, courageous person i have ever met, and he's stronger now. he's my very best friend, and, in all honesty, the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. and, you know how the quote goes. if you fall in love with 2 people, choose the second, because, if you truly loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. 
so, roy has something i can't ever get back. we have a connection and it sucks and it hurts everyday. ((don't have sex before you're married guys. it's just not smart. you get pregnant, and then you cry all the time, and, if that boy were to leave, which they most often do, you have a connection with someone you probably don't want to even remember.)) he was my first ((consensual)) and i was his first. and you know, it sucks, yeah, but my husband is going to love me anyways. so, in all honesty, all i lost was time. not just the time that we were dating, but the time i spent moping over him, and the time we were best friends, and the time it's taken me to finally realize what a true... character he is. the 11 months i got caught up in my High School Musical romance. but that's not for me.
now, he's a wonderful boy and i wish for him nothing but happiness. i still pray for him everyday, for courage to stand up for what is right, for strength in adversity, for compassion to those around him, and for happiness. but i also know, i can't have his influence in my life anymore. he has some things he needs to work on, as do i. skyler talks about him from time to time, things he has taught him, etc. and i tell him to be quiet. i can't handle it right now, and, quite honestly, i don't care to listen to anything that comes out of his mouth. maybe he has some divine truth for me, but if he can't say it to my face, i have no desire knowing what he has to say.
so, these are my thoughts. take with them and do with them what you will.
like i said, i have thoughts, i have feelings, and i have things to say. if you don't like it, fine. no one is making you read this. if you don't like me, then fine. leave. spread rumors. make fun of me. i don't care what anyone thinks. if i did, the maeser rumor mill would have destroyed me a long time before now.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

sometimes, i do crazy things.

about 2 months ago.. ish, i got my belly button pierced. and now, it's not gross anymore! (:

                        my camera flatters me. i really wish i was this tan, but i'm not. 

oh! and p90x is my new best friend.(: well, considering it's my 3rd time doing it, i'm very happy with the results.(:

Monday, April 23, 2012

verge of tears.

i lost my best friend today.
fortunately, i was there, holding her hand. 

i love you grandma.
i haven't known you very long, and i know you have been sick for a long time, but i miss you so much already. i will live on in your legacy; thank you so much for trusting me with your family, and your people. i love you, and i will never forget this morning i got to spend with you.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

my little brother is the cutest thing ever.(:

for his teen living class, he had to bring home a "baby" and take care of it for the weekend. right? ((i had a bag of flour, but that's a completely different story.))
my "little" brother is 6'2", weighs over 300 pounds, and is, as a freshman, training with the AF High football team. 
big kid.
and he's carrying around this tiny little baby with such care, it's the most adorable thing i have ever seen in my whole life. 
i love it when i see the soft side of my brothers. 
((those times are rare, few, and far between, as they are usually either decking on each other, or me, or hanging out with their friends and scaring people. true story.))

good morning.(:

it's been a great morning.(:
most people ask me why i'm a morning person, and you know, i tried to figure it out. i really couldn't, until this morning. i'm a Child of the Light. in both a physical and spiritual sense. Christ, my Light, is the center of my life, and i love Him more than anything in the world. Ephesians 5: 8-10 says, "For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord." 
i try, everyday, to be what the Lord would have me be. He is my eternal example, and, i know, that, through Him, i will be guided to the people who are open, and understanding, and who will accept my message of Salvation for ALL souls. 
i love my personal mission, i love who i am following, i love everything about my life right now.(:

Friday, April 20, 2012

sooo, i hate him.

i love it when people think that, just because i have bipolar, i am going to freak out and kill someone. 
i do not love that at all.
it BOTHERS me.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

i'm just a country girl with a tiara.(:

i went around trying to get sponsors from my pageant today.(: i was wearing a jean skirt and cowboy boots.(: haha i was told to be myself, and that's what i am. country girl through and through.
one of the managers asked me who i am. i said "i'm just a country girl with a tiara, grateful for the opportunities i have been blessed with." 
yeah, it got a $100 sponsorship.(:
you just gotta be yourself. gets you places.(:

a penny for my thoughts, oh no, i sell them for a dollar/

just a little thought:
if we woke up everyday with the determination for it to be the best day ever, who, then, could stand in the way?

i said a prayer this morning, not unlike any other morning, but this time, it was different. this time i was forgiven, and this time, my same things i say everyday, meant something different. they meant i was a new person. so, in that context, i'm going to "let my light so shine before men that they might see my good works, and glorify my Father, which is in Heaven."
i'm ready to represent.(:

p.s. it's a tiara day.(: today, every state finalist in the country is wearing their tiara.(: i'm connected to a family of people i have never even met before.(:

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

i love Him.

It is more effective to spend time talking to Christ about a man than talking to a man about Christ, because if you are talking to 
Christ about a man earnestly, trustingly, in the course of time you cannot help talking to the man effectively about Christ.

i love my communication with my Best Friend. 
He's my Savior, 
and i am permanently and eternally indebted to Him.
the best part?
He's ALWAYS listening.

Monday, April 16, 2012

done with this day.

i hate being a teenager and i hate high school. and i hate boys. the end.

but i'm taking my anger out of the stock market. and i'm going to kick ass. the end.

love, meghan

Sunday, April 15, 2012

bible emergency numbers:

when in sorrow: John 14.
when men fail you: Psalm 27.
when you have sinned: Psalm 51.
when you worry: Matthew 6:19-34.
when you are in danger: Psalm 91.
when God seems far away: Psalm 139.
when your faith needs stirring: Hebrew 11.
when you are lonely and fearful: Psalm 23.
when you grow bitter and critical: 1 Corinthians 13.
when you feel down and out: Romans 8:31-39.
when you want peace and rest: Matthew 11:25-30.
when the world seems bigger than God: Psalm 90.
when you want Christian assurance: Romans 8:1-30.
when you leave home for labor or travel: Psalms 121.
when you prayers grow narrow or selfish: Psalms 67.
when you want courage for a task: Joshua 1.
when you think of investments/returns: Mark 10.
how to get along with fellowmen: Romans 12.
for great invention/opportunity: Isaiah 55.
for Paul's secret to happiness: Colossians 3:12-17.
for the idea of Christianity: 1 Corinthians 5:15-19.
if you are depressed: Psalms 27.
if you want to be fruitful: John 15.
if your pocketbook is empty: Psalm 37.
if you're losing your confidence in people: 1 Corinthians 13.
if people seem unkind: John 15.
if you're discouraged about your work: Psalm 126.
if you find the world growing small and you great: Psalm 19.

fasting can help re-kindle our gratitude for all that we have been given.

today, i am fasting for something very, very near and dear to my heart. 
and it's hard. fasting is hard, especially because i have only recently been able to eat again. but there is a sort of... love it shows, i think. this is not doctrine, but i believe that when we go to the Lord, in prayer, not being bogged down by the weight of worldly things, such as food, we are able to more fully commune with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. i know without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that the Savior loves me, that He went to the Garden of Gethsemane for me, and He sweat drops of blood from every pore for me, and He suffered pains that i can't even imagine for me, and He died on the cross of Calvary for me, so that i could be able to go back and live with Him and my God, and if that doesn't show pure Love, i don't know what does. 
so, if He can do that for me, i can go 24 hours without food in an attempt to become closer to Him, and for my supplications to be backed up with that act of determination. i can do this. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

you're still you and i'm still me.

Never late
Always waiting
Watch me dress
I'm complaining
You say "Baby, you are crazy, look amazing"

At seventeen the world still seems like it's so small
For knowing nothing I sure thought I knew it all
And no one really knows exactly what forever means
And it's law that no one sees it's real until it's gone
But I found forever out on the basketball court
And I thought never I'd look out and not see you waiting on my driveway anymore

Never late
Always waiting
Watch me dress
I'm complaining
You say "Baby, you are crazy, look amazing"
And I remember you picked me up from work
You helped me pack laid it on the floor
I never saw you coming, funny how time flies
Six months felt like a whole lifetime
And it feels like a lifetime ago
Oh, you're still ___ and I'm still Meghan
And you still saved me

You're like winter, I'm like summer
You're collected well, I'm completely off the wall
You're a walker, I'm a runner
And it's perfect you're the one for which I'd risk the fall
I've never stared so intently without anything to say
Yeah, we always had those moments
And looking back now it sounds so cliche
But this was supposed to be forever
Have we lost it?

Never late
Always waiting
Watch me dress
I'm complaining
You say "Baby, you are crazy, look amazing"
And I remember having dinner 
Never quite won over with your mother
But I never doubted you
And it was just young love, that's what they all say
But you were my one love that never went away
You're still ___ and I'm still Meghan
And you still saved me

And it's just an old T-shirt
But when I put it on I feel wrapped up in you
And I've been loved and I've been hurt
But at the daybreak no one gets to me
No one gets to me like you do

I remember it was homecoming
We would have stayed 'til we saw sunlight
Once again we got the spotlight
And making wishes I still think about it all the time
This was supposed to be a lifetime

Never late
Always waiting
Watch me dress
I'm complaining
You say "Baby, you are crazy, look amazing"
And I remember our first big fight
Ended up being our first time
In summer all those late night drives
And it was just young love, that's what they all say
But you were my one love that never went away
You're still ___ and I'm still Meghan
You're still you and I'm still me
And you still saved me

worth fighting for.

The sky is turning golden now.
Wish you were with me, now.
My body aches for you.
Feels empty since you left
Is anybody left, that isn’t broken?
shattered, confused.

It’s not that i don’t understand your side
it’s just hard to contemplate 
why a love this deep goes unanswered
i’m going places in this life
and i want you by my side
do you remember that night

as you tell me good bye
i see that look in your eyes
i never wanted you to break down
we found real love in this cold world
isn’t that what life’s is about
We can get away from this town

i know exactly how i hurt you,
there’s nothing left but the truth
we can change this life
one step at a time
i know there’s so much more
isn’t that worth fighting for

it’s been so long im growing.
we’ve lost the only one who can fix me,
now it’s me who’s breaking down.
i know you see me broken
but there’s so much unspoken
please give us hope.
because i’ll never let you go.

it’s not that i’m forgiving myself.
it’s just i’m going through hell.
to try and think of words to save me.

it’s not so much i am missing you.
it’s more like i’m so lost without you.
i give anything for you to just take me.

as you tell me good bye
i see that look in your eyes
i never wanted you to break down
we found real love in this cold world
isn't that what life is about
we can get away from this town

i know exactly how i hurt you,
theres nothing left but the truth
we can change this life
one step at a time.
i know theres so much more
isnt that worth fighting for

Honestly tell when you look at me
And dont remember everything 
Youre scared and that’s okay
Ill show you there’s a way
For us to truly be something happy

as you tell me good bye
i see that look in your eyes
i never wanted you to break down
we found real love in this cold world
isn't that what life is about
we get away from this town?

i know exactly how i hurt you,
theres nothing left but the truth
we can change this life
once upon a time.
i know theres so much more
isnt that worth fighting for

because of you.

Before you it's been awhile before I slipped up
Before you I never thought to give a fuck
Before you I was satisfied on my own
Before you I never let myself go
Before this I was always on the wrong side
Before this I was always bad at hanging onto pride
But before this I was professional about how to hide
What was goin on on the inside

And before you I was so content
Yeah before you I was unaware of it
I was unaware of my loneliness

Now because of you, I remember why I have no self respect
Because of you, I remember why I always felt hopeless
I remember why my perception of love was demented
I remember why I'm such a mess, why I'm such a mess
Because of you, I remember why I was satisfied with lust
Because of you, I remember why I will never truly trust
Before you there were more yous and I know now why I will never expect much
Thought I forgot, but thanks a lot, cause now because of you
I remember why I don't love, I remember why I don't love.

Before you I had control of this
Before you I never let my heart win
Before you I was on my way to freedom
Before you I never let myself give in
To the disappointment of unrequited love
To the mislead illusion of mutual trust
I was unaware of how bad love was

Now because of you, I remember why I have no self respect
Because of you, I remember why I always felt hopeless
I remember why my perception of love was demented
I remember why I'm such a mess, why I'm such a mess
Because of you, I remember why I was satisfied with lust
Because of you, I remember why I will never truly trust
Before you there were more yous and I know now why I will never expect much
Thought I forgot, but thanks a lot, cause now because of you
I remember why I don't love, I remember why I don't love.

When somebody walks away
And you feel replaced
Left with your own embrace
A part of you gives up hope
Once you let it go
You never wanna go
Back again
I look at you and I see him
All over again

And because of him, I lost all my self respect
Because of him, I was always left hopeless
Because of him, my perception of love is demented
I remember why I'm such a mess, why I'm such a mess
And because of you, I remember why I'm satisfied with lust
Because of you, I remember why I will never truly trust
Before you there were more yous and I know now why I will never expect much
I thought I forgot, but thanks a lot, cause now because of you
I remember why I don't love, I remember why I don't love.

save the date.(:

meghan carpenter: National American Miss Teen Utah State Finalist.(:

AHHHH!!! (:

i made it! i made into National American Miss!!! ahhh!!! (: soooo excited.(: pageant weekend: june 29 and 30. i cannnnnoooottt wait.(:

Friday, April 13, 2012

i love my sisters.(:

no, i don't have real sisters. no biological sisters. but i have 2 of the best adopted sisters ever.(: and i love them.

kenna + meghan + dante = bffs.(:

Thursday, April 12, 2012

life is about facing your fears.

tonight, i conquered a HUGE fear of mine.
i had an open call for a pageant i'm doing.
i know. crazy meghan. doing pageants again.. this one is different though. it's all about being confident and stuff.
national american miss.(: look it up.
anyways, we had an interview tonight. it was so wonderful. i love expanding my bubble and improving my confidence. i also made a few friends.
we'll find out this week if i got accepted. cross your fingers for me everyone!(: 

not bad for having surgery yesterday, eh?(:

i gotta get out of bed.

but my tummy hurts.
stupid surgery.
i hate you.
the end.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

requesting God’s help, recognizing our frailty, and realizing that prayer is a powerful way to change our circumstances releases us from being overwhelmed by our fears, worries, and cares. it’s a spiritual way of stepping back from the problem and letting God step in to help us. we allow God to be God and we permit ourselves to be His children.

i like drugs.

fortunately, they're all legal. but i need them... yay for lortab... i hate surgery. jussayin'.
but doctors said everything went pretty well. no real problems. i woke up to my mom, dad, brothers, grandparents, aunt, and 3 cousins all crammed into the smallest hospital room ever. but i got balloons and flowers from people in my ward, and my aunt and uncle in texas, and my aunt and uncle in north carolina. as soon as i'm not shaking anymore i'll write them all thank you notes. 
i also found out my cousin stole my phone and tried to text her love, aka. my ex-boyfriend, while i was in surgery. he never texted her back though, and she cried. haha they're so cute, my cousins. my littlest one didn't stop holding my hand until i woke up. she told her mom that i wouldn't wake up okay if she didn't. turns out, she had a dream i didn't and she woke up crying. i love my cousins. 
now, for the longest end of a spring break ever. hopefully this thing helps me feel better. cross your fingers. prayers would be great. thank you all so much for everything you do for me.(:

ps. maybe i should tell my boyfriend i had surgery... he doesn't know... i'm a horrible girlfriend. i know.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

smile. show the world that, today, you are a little bit stronger than you were before.

we got a call at about 3 o'clock this morning... haha woke everyone up. but it was aunt who lives in texas. my first thought? tornadoes took out her house. ((it's tornado season and they've already had 12 touch down in the last week.)) but they were okay. she works at an experimental hospital. we've been working relatively close with them for a while now, about one of my health problems. we actually, for my senior trip, are going to russia to work with the international branch of this company to try an experimental procedure. 
you see, after about 2 and a half years of not being able to eat much of anything, tests, tests, tests and more tests, 3 scopes ((one of which did not end well. the other, i ate an orange right after... so much pain in gandolofo's lobby because my boyfriend wouldn't let me go home alone. awww.)), enough different solutions to drip, drip my blood into to make even a sick person feel sick, and about 12 different specialists doctors all across the country, thank heavens for insurance, someone finally did the right test, dripped my blood into the right sticky stuff, and voila. the prognosis: gastroparesis. basically, my vagus nerve is dead, probably from one of two things: when they took out my gallbladder, they cut the wrong vein thing and damaged the nerve. or, when i broke my tailbone, i damaged the nerve. either way, i have a damaged vagus nerve. that nerve controls basically how the digestive system works. how your stomach expands and contracts. how your intestines moved food through your bowel, etc. so, my stomach doesn't move the food along, it just sits there. gross huh. that's why i throw up and am sick to my stomach so much.
but, anyways, the company my aunt works for is doing an experimental test to try to correct gastroparesis. basically it's a pace maker for that nerve. it sends little shocks to make your stomach contract the way it should. i'm one of the first people in utah to be getting it, but i'm excited to see if it works. anything will be better than this. jussayin'. 
my grandma is so cute. she decided we're going to trafalga today. because it's my last day of spring break, cause i get surgery tomorrow. so, me, and my little cousins, are going to trafalga.(: i can't wait. i love my cousins. and they're just what i need right now. 3 of the cutest, sweetest, most peppy, confident little children i have ever met.(: i love them.
oh, they're still arguing over my ex-boyfriend. jessica pulled taylor's hair over it yesterday. haha i think it's cute that my 7, 9 and 11 year old cousins are fighting over my 18 year old ex-boyfriend. how cute are they? (: the cutest. haha

Monday, April 9, 2012

somedays... they're harder than others.

i just want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

it's days like these, perfect days, where nothing really goes wrong, but i still go home and sob for an hour, days like these that make me hate myself even more. why can't i just feel normal emotions and have normal thoughts like the rest of the world?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

my favorite day of the year.

today is my favorite day of the whole year. for many reasons. 
a.) i have the biggest sweet tooth known to man, and a really, really, really big vulnerability for anything marshmallow-y. 
b.) i get to actually spend time with my whole family. well, sorta. my mom has work today, but she should be home for dinner and the party, so we're good.(:
c.) waking up to the smell of sticky buns in the oven and jelly beans on the table. mmmm.(:
& d.) the most important reason of all. because, without this day, i would not be able to live again after i die. because i have been so close to death so many times, this means everything to me. i'm not afraid of death, because, i know, that through my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ, and what He did for me when He suffered for all my sins, was wrongly crucified among thieves, and was, on this day, a Sunday, 2012 years ago, resurrected with a perfect body, i too can live again with my God, and my older Brother, Jesus Christ. i will never be able to comprehend the love the Father and the Son have for me. but everyday, especially on this day, i am eternally grateful, and permanantly indebted to Them. 
what better a day to remember all that has been done for us than this day?

Friday, April 6, 2012

countdown to graduation:

i have, officially, made a paper chain on my wall.(: woot.

anyways, new adventure.
yesterday, i woke up with the worst migraine i have ever had. i woke up and the light made me throw up my head hurt so bad. i went back to bed, this was at like 6 in the morning, and slept until 5:30 that night. all in all, i slept about 19 hours yesterday. but my mom was concerned when i woke up, because i was "ghost white" ((as if i'm not already.)) and my hands and feet were purple. she checked my blood pressure, which normally runs low (about 100/70), and it was 60/45. yeah. that's bad, btw. we started thinking and i was put on a medication about a week ago that was supposed to get rid of my nightmares (i have PTSD, so i have pretty horrible dreams basically every night. a new story for a new day). we read the bottle and it said "warning: may cause a drop in blood pressure." wonderful. we went to the ER. they gave me medicine to make my heart beat more. yaddah yaddah. today i feel like i have a hangover. 


don't do drugs or drink guys. hangovers suck.

in other news, again, i love texting drunk people. i woke up at 5:30 last night to 14 new messages on my phone. a few from my very worried boyfriend. the rest of my friend. who was drunk. and high. he said, and i quote, "dude. i'm riding a dinosaur!" he was high. at the dinosaur museum. sometimes, i love how my friends keep my life interesting.(: 


p.s. i get to go to my grandparents' house tonight and hang out with my cousins! yay.(: i love them.
the end.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

i'm crazy.

i got my belly button pierced.
my ear cartilage will be soon.
but, you know,
i'm not a bad person.
so fuck off.
thank you.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

sometimes, it's all too much.

you laugh and say i'm strange or that you hate me. well, i do too. do you think i like being like this? do you think i like being so lost? i don't. i hate pain and i hate hurting, but it seems to be all that is left in my life. so, maybe it's time. maybe it's time.

hmmm, katie is reading my blog.

true story.
once upon a time, katie and i were in the same group for prom. she is gorgeous, and super fun. now, she is in my business econ class. yayy for business-y stuff.(:

in other news,
my hands are stinkin' cold. my school is always about negative 2 billion degrees. blarg. 

the end.

p.s. aren't you glad you just wasted like 4 minutes of your life reading this useless blog post? i know you are.(:

Sunday, April 1, 2012


i don't get to go to church today.
my parents think it's a good idea for me to watch conference.
but that's okay.(:
the best thing about God is that even when you can't attend church, or you slip up and forget to read the scriptures, or you make a mistake, He's only as far away as you push Him. your relationship strength is completely based on you. YOU are the one to push Him away, not the other way around. 
so, even though i will not be where i probably should be, i have Him with me always.(: 
and i am infinitely grateful for that.(:

ps. actual conversation with my cousins the other day.
"Meghan, when are we gonna see... ummm... that one boy... he's kind of darkish skin, and he... he's really nice... he sat by me that one day at the Family Festival when i got sick!" -Alyssa. age 11
"Well, 'Lys, sometimes, people come in and out of our lives. God does that so we can learn to let go and be less willing to break other people's hearts, okay?" - me.
"so.. we're never gonna see him again?" - Jessica. age 7
"maybe, someday. you can see him at my graduation. i bet he'd even give you a hug if you asked." - me.
"Darn it! i was gonna marry him meghan!" - Taylor. age 9
"But Taylor!!! He was mine!!! I called dibs!!!!" - Jessica.
"jess, how do you know what dibs are?" - me.
"iCarly. duh."

well, there you have it folks. my cousins are fighting over my ex-boyfriend and iCarly is, evidently, a horrible influence on little 7 year olds.(:
i love my cousins. so much. they keep my life VERY entertaining.(:
just a day in the life.