the worst feeling in the world

the worst feeling in the world is when you look into the eyes of the one you love and they look away.

there's nothing as knowing that they would rather look at anything -- the cracked cement floor, the peeling paint in the corner of the room, the stranger that just walked by -- than at you. 

but perhaps the saddest thing of all is having to tell yourself to move on and look away too.  

***

sometimes i wonder how different things would have been if we had known each other as kids. maybe then i'd understand why you are the way you are and you'd understand why i am the way i am. 

***

would you even notice if we never talked again, or if i never looked at you again, or if i gave up trying to make you see me? i know i'm not the only person who has ever wondered this. but i do know that i am the only one who thinks these questions every night while trying to let you go.

and i'm trying. i'm really trying to let you go.