Saturday, December 17, 2011

if my life was a movie, i wouldn't be where i am now.

Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinkin' 'bout everythin' we've been through
Maybe I've been goin' back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside
'Til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

I know people change and these things happen
But I remember how it was back then
Locked up in your arms and our friends were laughing
'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

Now, I'm pacing down the hall, chasing down your street
Flashback to the night when you said to me
"Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you "
Not before I knew how much I had to lose

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside
'Til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

If you're out there, if you're somewhere, if you're moving on
I've be waiting for you ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And I just wanna see you back at my front door

And I say come back, come back, come back to me like
You would before you said it's not that easy
Before the fight, before I locked you out
But I'd take it all back now

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside
'Til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

You'd be here by now
It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now
Baby, what about the ending?
Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

That you'd be here by now


everyone keeps saying i should be bitter.
i should be angry.
but, quite honestly and simply,
i'm not.
i'm not angry.
i'm not sad.
i'm not crying over him.
i'm done being upset.
yes, i want what i had.
but i lost it.
it was my fault,
my doing,
i understand that.
so i'm dealing with those consequences.
doesn't make me any less hopeful.
i'm glad i got to spend 6 months of my life with the most amazing person i have ever met.
i'm grateful i got to learn what i did from him.
i'm completely content with the fact that i will always love him, because that's what i committed to.
i do love him.
i love those 6 months.
i love that i got to spend basically every minute with him.
i love his family.
i love the influence that he was in my life.
i love everything about the last 6 months.
i love that he let me go.
i have learned a lot about myself in these past 2 weeks.
((i'm gonna write a book.
my time lost and found in insanity:i really wasn't crazy. by Meghan Carpenter. it's gonna happen. wait for it. i'll even sign it.)
and i know i'll only continue to learn.
that's the great thing about life.
if you let it,
it's the best teacher ever.
you can learn,
you can grow,
or,
like other teachers,
you can stagnate (ooh. good word :)
you can refuse to learn.
life can make you bitter. 
i've seen it happen to many people.
(a lot of people here are very bitter)
but, i'm not gonna let it get the best of me.
i'm learning.
everyday.
i'm learning to deal with pain.
deal with anger.
deal with happiness.
i'm learning. 


((see stupid doctors? i'm not crazy.))
(((saying that probably only solidifies what they think. that's great.)))

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