this is for you babygirll.. i'll miss you.

we wrote this,
all those nights ago.
we had a sleepover party,
but we were the only ones who showed up.
it was right after i got out of the hospital.
we were both scared to go to school the next day.

"dead girl walking" a boy says in the hall.
"tell us your secret" the girls whisper, not knowing they don't want to be like this.
i am that girl.
i am the space between my thighs, light shining through.
i am the library aid that hides in the romance section, knowing i'll never actually have one of those stories.
i am the circus freak, encased in beeswax.
i am the bones they want, wired on a porcelain frame.
when i get close, they step back. the cameras in their eye holes record the zit on my chin, the rain in my eyes, the blue water under my skin. they pick up every sound on their collar microphones. they want to pull me inside them, but they are too afraid. 
i am contagious.


babygirl,
i will miss you everyday.
i don't know what i'm going to do without you...
you are my best friend, always will be.
just remember, 
you are loved.
even now.
i love you.
thank you so much for all you've done for me.
everything.
never forget me, 
and all the wonderful things we've done together.

your best friend,
meghan