story of my life.

some people were just made to be sick i guess(: back in the hospital. more tests. more tests. always more tests. you'd think they'd run out of tests eventually, but they never do. there's always some other machine they can run me through, or some other solution they can drip, drop my blood into. and it's funny cause they always come up with the same thing: nothing. i think that because i can't eat anything at all, there is something wrong. idiots. but i don't blame them. maybe i'm just a freak of nature(: but i'm dealing with it, you know? i've gotten used to needles being stuck in me. seeing my own blood. made friends with most of the nurses and techs. the stuff they shove into me to keep me from dying makes my nose smell funny, and the anti-nausea medication makes my mouth taste funny, but it's either that, or dying. so i'm quite okay with the current situation(: but, the docs are still concerned with how i'm dropping weight. i can't eat, i'm working out again cause i'm dancing again, even my protein shakes aren't staying down. the bread i try to force down with my meds comes back up about just as fast, which means my meds probably aren't even staying down long enough to do anything. it's a long, complicated process. ALSO, hunger pains only come when you first start feeling them. after a while, they go away and there is just an emptiness left. it almost makes me nauseous because there's nothing in there. that's why it feels like that. my arms are getting thinner. my legs losing their attractive appeal. i don't even have the energy to get out of beds some days. but you know what? God doesn't give us more than we can handle. strong believer in that. so, i'm going to smile, and live my life. God knows i can be strong through this, so i will(: