i need a new list.

my sleep schedule sucks. (see last post)

i was so excited because i got to sleep in until 9 today. needless to say, i was awake well before then. like at 5:14 before then. stupid body.. get with the program here. 

also, i have run out of things on my "easy to digest foods" list. i've tried:

bananas (well, actually no. i'm allergic.)

jello.

crackers.

rice.

everything.
and the same thing happens.

and honestly, at this point, i'm willing to buy into the whole mind-body relationship jargon if that means i get to eat. so, i will be doing research and getting back to you on that. also, if anyone knows how to talk to your subconscious, let me know. cause i need to convince it to let me stay alive. yyeesshh, oh yeah. it's totally strange that my subconscious is actually tricking my brain out of doing what it's supposed to do. rule #1 for all humans, animals, everything: survive. but somehow, my body has itself thoroughly convinced that's not going to happen. stupid body. 
maybe it would be easier if i could mitigate some of the symptoms of not being able to eat. it sucks having to put on pageant girl makeup every single day to cover up how sick my face looks (and not the good kind of sick). it sucks having to wear 20 million layers to not feel cold, but still shaking all the time (i've developed a nervous habit of shaking my leg, to make it not so obvious that my whole body is shaking). oh and the not having energy thing, the hair falling out thing, all of that stuff could go away too. jussayin.

like i said. maybe some people were just made to be sick. God made me this way for a reason. maybe i was just sent here to be sick and almost die a lot of times, then, one time, actually die. before i have to worry about not getting married, or adopting my cute little russian girl. who knows? oh wait. no one. except for God(: