this is the story of a girl, a monster to many, a princess to few, a normal teenage girl, learning to be happy, me(:

first thing you should know, is that this ain't no fairytale.
if you're looking for one, go somewhere else.
this may someday turn into a fairytale, but until then, it's not.
no happy ending. 
i'm not in distress, so no one has to save me.
there are no monsters (well, i guess my parents sort of are).
there is a prince charming, he's just backing away slowly with his hands up, saying i'm the monster, not the princess.
i am not locked in a castle by forced, i'm here by choice, although there are no moats, no turrets, just my plain old house.
i've come to think that my story is not a fairytale at all. ever.
but you know what? 
screw fairytales.
i never really liked them anyways.
where's the action? the drama? getting the girl is only half the battle boys. you can't just stop trying. duh.
(and you thought only girls were ruined by the unrealistic expectations of childhood stories. psh.)


here are my thoughts:
(sorry it's been so long. i get emotional and say things i don't mean, so i tend to avoid actually writing my own thoughts when i'm emotional. to avoid the pain of cleaning things up later.)
my love story. 
hmmmm.
my love story is less like Cinderella, Snow White, etc. and more like.. Tangled. or Shrek. (more like Shrek if you ask many people. i turned into a monster. teeheehee:))
it has more turns, for better or worse.
more action.
less sap.
more trials.
less "happily ever after".
more yelling, mostly on my part.
less googley eyes.
more pain and suffering.
less romantic montages with classical music while skipping through brightly colored meadows. (bleck.)
more listening to mac miller and drake, full blast, blocking out the world.
less romantic crap mostly.
more REAL relationship.


and a real relationship has fights. has trust. has faith. has tears. has hurt. has sweet smiles. has genuine laughter. has weird, stupid, unnecessary arguments. has patience. has communication. has secrets. has jealousy. and, most importantly , love. this is all just a mess that turns out beautiful and an experience that can never be forgotten.


and, maybe this is just me, but i'd rather have that, that imperfect mess i call/called/whatever* my relationship than a stupid fairytale any day.


*side note: i am by no definition of the word giving up. that's why i'm sort of confused about what to call it. if i admit to past tense, i might let him, this, us, slip away. and there is no way in HELL that's happening. but if you ask him, he'll say called. cause it's over to him. guess it's all in the way you look at it. 


p.s. i'm angry. so you know what i'm doing? i'm kicking stock market ASS. i made like $11,000 today and i'm still going. positively dealing with me anger. yeah buddy(: