i get to use a computer

i sit here thinking,
"what could i possibly say right now?"
words meghan.
just use your words.
but i don't want to...
words are sketchy.
words can be taken a million different ways.
sometimes they are a cry out,
sometimes they show something about who we are.
and sometimes, just saying them says something.
just using your mouth to form the words can be an accomplishment.
so while i sit here, typing these words,
you are thinking of others.
"where has she been?"
"what has she seen?"
"what has changed about her, 
that makes her question her words?"


words change us you know.
sometimes, words are the only things that change us.
someone physically saying,
"you're crazy."
does something to you. 
someone physically saying, 
"i don't want to talk to you."
does something to you.
contrary-wise, 
someone physically saying,
"tell me everything."
does something.
it creates a little spark.
those 3 words say many things.
"i am here to listen."
"i care about you."
"i want to know more about you."
"you are important to me."
they say many things.


that's why i'm here.
to learn to use my words.
to learn to give my words to the world and say,
"world, i am giving these to you,
because i don't want them in my head anymore.
i don't want to deal with them,
i don't want to file them away for later,
i want to give them to you.
for now, 
and forever.
i don't want them back.
do with them as you wish."
and i have to walk away.
give them to the world,
and not care what they think.
don't care that they won't believe me.
don't care that they need proof.
just simply don't care.
i gave to them the only thing i know how.
my words.


so here, world, are my words.