dear... you. you know who you are.

dear you, 
you know who you are.
i am writing you this to ask of you a few things, and to also tell you i love you. here goes: 
please understand that I have feelings and cry, a lot, about stupid things mostly. but i know they are stupid things, so i do not need you, or anyone else for that matter, to remind me. and that when i do cry, all i need is the comfort of your embrace to stop my tears. if you do not know why i am crying, or i refuse to tell you, please accept that openly - as you will most likely find out later. if the reason does happen to involve you, i will mention this to you as soon as i pause in my hysterics. 
you must also understand that i am a woman. yes, i menstruate and i am especially sorry if i go into too much detail [but oh it hurts]. and yes i know babe, PMS is not a legitimate reason for my pissy moods. but that anger and/or stress can quickly be relieved by a long talk and comforting words. 
and please do not grumble or complain if i ask you to come with me when i go shopping. i will not ask you if i look fat, i promise. i already know the answer to that, anyway. i might however ask you if this looks nice on me [translation: does my ass look good?].
and yes i will probably spend an obscene amount of money in one day, mostly on shoes [i'm a shoe whore:]] but do not worry, because i like to shower my loved ones with gifts, so we would not leave a store without buying something for you also. taking you on shopping trips is also helping you, decide what to give me for my birthday, our anniversary [if you remember], Valentine's Day, etc. 
but still, as much as i love Diesel, Kenneth Cole, Steve Madden, Prada and other luxury items, nothing makes me happier than something you've created yourself [example- decorate a frame with a picture of us in it]. those are the best gifts, that even if in 25 years i end up hating you to pieces, i will never throw out.
please forgive me if I go to the bathroom with my other girl friends, in what you like to call, a 'pack.' but we go in there to talk about you, anything we say you will probably hear about later anyway but we must first discuss it with our fellow confidants. 
also forgive me if i get upset with you if you don't notice my haircut-but a girls' hair is her treasure. although negative an inch off my luscious locks seems immeasurably small to you, it's massive to me. and I will ask you to lie to me and tell me it looks good, and will end up getting mad at you anyway for lying to me. i have to work on that. 
i also have to work on getting ready faster -- 20mins is not enough time. at the least, an hour is necessary. i apologize for this, but isn't the end worth the means? 
please trust me, because i will never give you any reason not to, so please do not give me one. but that boy, that you sometimes see me with and i sometimes talk to, he, is after all, only a boy, nothing more. if there ever is another person involved i will let you know immediately - the chances of that happening, however, are slim to none. 
please do not lie, or cheat on me. because i will always find out [girls always know] and it will not be pleasant. just tell me the truth, hearing it from you before your friends will be much safer, for everyone, in the end. 
please do not be afraid of my parents, they really are nice folks. my mom finds me dating to be amusing and my daddy cannot bear to see his little girl growing up. he will not hurt you, i promise. [my brother on the other hand...i'm kidding.... kind of....] they just look out for their little, older sister. 
it is okay if you do not like my friends. i know, they are different kind of people but i love them for that. they may scare you, even anger you, but please know that there is a reason i'm friends with each one of them. besides, i probably do not enjoy the company of some of your friends, but that's why they are your friends, not mine. 
i am independent. sometimes i will need you but for the most part i am my own person and can make my own decisions. so do not order my meal for me when we go out to dinner. i have my own eyes to read the menu and my own voice to speak to the waiter. i will want to go out on my own, occasionally, or with friends and but most often with you. 
i, however, do not act different in front of my friends than in front of you- please don't either. because you have no one to impress but yourself. 
i know that it will be difficult to pick out a movie we both want to watch, but we will find a happy medium and compromise. if we are in the theater, i may want to hold your hand or rest mine on your leg, but watch where you put yours. [Because darkness does not equal getting some.] 
oh and another thing, i like to talk on the phone. i understand that you do not and that is okay- i accept that. but know that i love voices, especially yours. it's warm and comforting so maybe sometimes in the middle of the night i will need to hear it. 
please be kind to me, as i will to you. but not too kind, because there is such a thing as too nice of a guy. do not say or do things just to pacify me, because after a while that will get boring. i do not want to walk all over you, do not walk all over me. i know you have feelings too, so i want to hear them. 
if ever something is wrong let me know right away because things will get better, faster, that way. if you choose not to tell me, i will still be able to see it in your eyes. you can hide nothing from me. 
i will also remind you now that i am a hopeless romantic- i like hugs from behind, kisses just because, and notes saying hello. i too understand that doing some of these things may be difficult for you [you will not be any less of a man if you do] but i enjoy them greatly. 
i will not tell you about my past with other guys and likewise, i do not care about your exes. because no matter who she is, i hate her, she is the enemy. this is the unwritten law all girls must follow. so my name is not Stacy, Lauren, or Ashley, it is Meghan. if by chance, you happen to forget that, there will be problems.
it is alright if we disagree, or argue- that will happen sometimes unfortunately and it will kill me. please do not get mad at me if I do not know what sport the San Antonio Spurs play [basketball]. And it's okay if you think basketball is the greatest sport ever, but i prefer manicures and writing. 
i'm sorry if i'm not much for a challenge to you when playing a new game on your play station. i swear, i really do enjoy it, but me not being a boy, i was not born with a natural ability to be good at all video games known to man. 
it's okay if you don't like to dance. just slow dance with me, occasionally, either in the privacy of a home or in public- because dancing is good for us. 
do not be ashamed to go into Victoria's Secret with me. 
you also must know that i do not enjoy being called cute when I am sick or angry. because I am the farthest thing from cute when I am sick or angry, it makes me think that you would like to see me this way more. 
also, this is something you must understand to fully love me. i am not a size 0 or 2. i will never be either of those sizes, nor do I care to be. although sometimes i would convince people otherwise from all my moaning and complaining. but I have curves, and i enjoy them [I think you do too]. i am, after all, a woman. my hips are wide and my body is healthy, that is just me and you must accept that, as i am. 
i am insecure about myself, and i will need the reassurance from you that i am beautiful, even though i will never truly believe it. 
yes, i do look better with makeup on. i do not believe in natural beauty, so excuse the morning makeup routine, i try to look great for you. 
and sometimes my pants are too long, that is why i always wear high shoes, but i will never be taller than you, so do not worry. 
i may walk with my head high, not moving for anyone. my nose may sometimes be in the air, but i am never better than anyone else. it is a disguise; it's really just flaming insecurity. but if you shower me with love and confidence, i will be okay. 
and now, i have just a few more favors to ask of you: 
if you need to cry, please do [I will not tell your friends]. 
if you need to talk [or scream/yell] i will be here to listen, always. 
do not be afraid to ask for my help, with anything. we all need help sometimes and that is part of the reason i am here. 
please forgive me though, if my attempts to appease you fail, but i will try- as sincerely and honestly as i can. 
also know that i love you, and in a small way, will always love you, even if we fall out of love with each other. which someday, may happen. and if it does, i will be angry, and throw fits and cry. But after awhile, with some time i will get over it. i am not sure how much time, but eventually, i will. 
just be there for me, despite the fact that i will tell you to go away and scream 'i hate you's' that i do not mean. 
please, never hurt me intentionally. i am delicate and sensitive, as i have mentioned before, i cry easily. i act strong, by putting up a barrier, a fortress, but you are the most likely person to tear it down the fastest. 
i am vulnerable to you; my heart is putty in your hands. and you are left holding it, ready to be molded....


love, meghan.lanae