story of my fucking life.

i have decided to live for me. 
because, when i don't live for me,
i'm unhappy because of something i'm doing.


when i live for me,
i am unhappy, but it's because of things beyond my control.
like people i haven't ever spoken to in my life calling me a bitch.
and my "best friend" turning on me; calling me a bitch and other very mean things.
oh, and people offering me "advice", all of which is "get back together with him now. or he's going to hurt himself and you're going to be very sorry." 
you know, that's his choice.
it always has been.
that's why i'm doing this.
to give him back his choice. 
because he's lost it.
and, until he finds it,
he won't be happy.
i'm his best friend.
i owe this much to him.


so, call me all the names you want,
make me feel like the scum of the earth,
hurt me,
hate me,
i don't care.




i hurt too...
do you think it's easy seeing my best friend fall apart like this?
because it's not.
at all.