it's not about your scars. it's all about your heart

with my senior year quickly approaching, there are a lot of decisions to be made. 
my birthday party, yes? or no?
what polo to wear on the first day of school.
who to hang out with.
what classes to take.
what to major in.
what colleges to apply to.
do i apply to the colleges my parents want? or the ones that i want?
what college to go to.
what my senior prom dress will look like.


there's a lot of decisions up my alley. 
and, quite honestly, i'm terrified.
i'm really, really afraid of being a senior.
i'm scared to be 17. 
i'm scared of change. 
this always happens at the beginning and end of the summer.
i freak out because of all the change.
i hate that about myself.


but, with all the decisions and whatnot i've been forced to make in these coming months, i can't help but look back on all the decisions i've made.
the good.
the bad.
and the ugly.
and the heinous, cause there have been a few of those.
now, i'm not going to sit here and tell you everything that i've done. cause that would not be in mine or your best interest, and would probably take a decade. or more.
so i'm just going to say this.
i've hurt people, sometimes on purpose.
i've said things i wish i hadn't.
i've thrown away really, really great chances,
and i've done things i'm not proud of. at all.
but you know what?
those things are what make me, me.
i wouldn't change them for anything, 
simply because i don't know if that one thing is what made me the strong person i am today.
i've been to hell and back multiple times quite honestly, 
and it's been really, really hard.
but, if those things are what made me who i am today,
i would do them a million times over.
if those are the things that made me worthy of such a great boyfriend, 
then i'd do them over.
if those are the things that made me able to have such amazing friends,
then i'd do them over.
if those are the things that made me who i am today, 
then i'd do them over.


so, here's to the future.
to conquering fears.
to overcoming doubts.
to rising above rumors.
here's to turning the page on a new chapter.
to changing.
to adapting.
here's to making the most of the situation you're in.
to playing with the hand you're dealt.
and, most importantly, here's to loving every single minute of it.