sometimes..

He was so different from her, yet in his presence she felt the possibility of another kind of life, a life she had never imagined could be hers. A life without the rigid limitations others had always set for her

okay... sorry i haven't said much recently. well, i said a lot yesterday, but not really. life has been.. well, the past couple of days have sucked. not gonna lie.

on sunday morning, i found out my grandma died. i really... i couldn't go home. i couldn't sleep. i could barely eat. i didn't know what to do. we were at church, so i just ran into the foyer, and found my best friends mom, and asked her if she knew where kate was. kate had gone home, for personal reasons i found out about later, and i cried more. kathy asked me what was wrong and i explained my grandma had died, and kathy just held me and let me cry.

then, we went to the bishops office for blessings. i cried. enough said.

when i got out, kate was waiting for me. by this point i had gotten my crying under control. kate hugged me and i fell apart again.

we went home, i changed my clothes and we went to refugee park.

refugee park is kind of a special place for me. and kate. and nikki. and chandler. well, kate and i first found it a couple of weeks ago. we were both having crappy days and decided we couldn't be at home, so we went for a drive and found this park way up in the middle of no where in alpine. i've gone there a couple of times by myself and kate and i showed nikki and chandler a few days ago.

but kate and i went to refugee park and we just walked and talked, about anything other than my grandma, cause, you see, i'm the queen of avoiding emotions (more to come on THAT in a few minutes, as you'll see that it's a recurring theme in my life). we talked about kate's life, her troubles with her mom. we talked about school, and how i'm terrified for AP tests. we tried calling chandler. we talked about Huck Finn. we talked about how much we hated snow, but then how beautful it is. we talked about the dead tress. we went and found the hatchet and shovels, where we're all going to bury Mr. Lind. we found 2 more benches and a nice bridge. we figured out that they used the trails for the rodeo. we laughed at each other almost falling on our butts cause the ground was muddy and really slippery.

then, we went to arbys. i know. it was sunday. i really don't care what you think of me. my grandma died for goodness sakes. i think that my insatiable need for my only comfort food, arbys curly fries, is good enough reason to break the sabbath.

and then... i had to go home.

that went... well, not so great. my aunt, and cousins with their kids were all there. and fighting on the phone with my other aunts about life insurance and a stupid burial fund.

really guys? she died like... 2 hours ago. can't we get along for a few minutes?

nope.

i guess not.

so i left. i went to the school and played on the swings. i went to stewart falls. i tried desperately to distract myself without letting people see me like this...

it didn't work.

so i went to kate's house. she wouldn't care what i looked like.

so, we decided to watch Lord of the Rings 1, cause i haven't seen them yet..., and so we called Nikki and Chandler. nikki owed me a hug anyways.

they came over and we all watched Lord of the Rings. well, i slept through most of it. but i tried to watch it.

and then we found out Osama Bin Laden was dead. yay!

then i had to go home. and i packed. and painted. and i was awake until 4. oh, i watched Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist too. i enjoy that movie.

then, on monday, we left for california. at about 10:30.. got here about 10:30 that night, so with the time change it tok us 13 hours, almost to the minute, a new record for our family.

tuesday, i went to school with my cousin. and then we just hung out here.

and now, it's wednesday. and i'm just sitting on the couch after sleeping in until 11:30. yay for random, depressing vacations.

but, heres the thing. i have figured out being away from him for so long that i'm madly and desperately in love with one of my very best friends. it's a little bit of a problem that i don't know how to fix. which is a problem in and of itself.

well, that's been my week so far. and... yeah.