okay, here's the thing

people keep telling me, "Meghan, why are you changing? this isn't you."
well, i'm here to tell you i'm not changing.
this is who i am.
i am not the perfect, suck up, goody-two-shoes, never make a mistake, not a hair out of place girl you think i am.
i'm just not.
and it's tiring being something you're not all day long.
so i'm not.
i haven't changed.
i just stopped living life the way you want me to live my life.
i don't need to pretend to be perfect. i don't need to pretend to be things that i'm not.
yes, i am still getting passing grades.
yes, i still believe in God.
yes, my room is still as clean as ever.
i'm just being me.
the real me. not the mask i wear around you people everyday because you can't stand to deal with the truth of the situation.
you forced me for so long to be something that i'm not. you made me put on an act so you could go around telling people how perfect of a friend, or a daughter, or a neighbor i am. well, the curtain has closed on that act of my life.
meet me. meghan lanae carpenter.
i...
-am confident in who i am. don't like it? i don't care.
-have been hurt by a lot of people so i don't trust people. it's just how i am.
-love my life, but i'm not afraid to die. i have been really sick for long enough to know that sometimes, dying isn't that scary.
-am 16, and barely learning how to cry. this is because, my whole life, i was taught that crying meant you were weak. well, news flash: i'm not weak. and i do cry sometimes. it's normal.
-have been suicidal; i do have scars; i have depression; this does NOT define who i am. i don't care what you think.
-believe in God. i actually have a really great relationship with him right now. but i don't like going to church. i don't like all that goes along with it. (to read more about this, click here)
-think that bad things happen for a reason. this has been proven to me more than once.
-know that this is my freakin' life and i should be able to live it how i want to. i can dress the way i want, do my hair the way i want, hang out with the people i want to, and do whatever i want.
-am tired of people telling me i'm changing. ummm, no. i'm not. i've just stopped living life the way you want me to live it. i'm living it for me.

so, if you could just be a doll, and stopped telling me i've changed, and actually get to know me, that would be great[:
thanks.