i'm home!

just a day, just a day, just an ordinary day...

i'm not here to say that anything huge, crazy, or miraculous happened to me today.

cause it didn't.

i woke up at 8 this morning on the floor of a hotel room in mesquite with my family, i showered, packed my things, got in the car, and drove home. that's my day.

but i think i'll remember this day.

because today, i am at peace.

i'm not worrying about my:

3rd term NG because of insufficent attendence.

grandma's graveside on saturday.

parents constant need for me to be perfect.

mother's opinions of me.

AP tests this week that i haven't even studied for.

strange dreams i've been having.

constant thoughts about how horrible i am.

friends who are falling apart.

everdropping weight and battle with eating.

health issues.

week of makeup work i face this week.

huck finn response.

6-7 page research paper that's due tomorrow.

i'm just not.

this week i've had a lot of time to just think. sit quietly and ponder, think, pray.

and i came to a conclusion.

i don't love myself.

i don't love the person that i am right now.

ever since i was really little, i've only worried about what other people thought of me. i only cared what my parents thought, or my friends, and, as i got older, that cute boy in my math class, or whoever i thought i needed to impress.

i don't need to impress you, or anyone for that matter.

so, i'm going to change that. 

from this day forward, I, Meghan LaNae Carpenter, will do one thing for myself everyday, to gain self-confidence, self worth, and self-love (is that even a word? i don't care :] it is now!).

examples:

Maybe i'll actually do my hair one day, instead of doing laundry before school.

Or one day, maybe i'll paint my nails, or go for a walk, or hang out with friends, instead of doing my homework.

because ever since before i could remember i've lived my life for other people.

and i'm not doing it anymore.

i'm living it for me.

and i don't care what you think[:

Hi, i'm Meghan LaNae Carpenter, and i'm creating myself, everyday, and if you don't like me, you don't have to. it's your loss[: