dear valentine.

the other day, a group of my friends and I were talking about some of our exs. these girls have some really funny stories! We decided we should all write letters to them, and anonymously, via my blog, "send" them. So, here goes.(: you can probably figure out which are mine, given your knowledge of my current, and past heartbreaks.


My dearest Valentine, 
You were my first ever notion of puppy love.
One I'll look back on fondly every time 
I hear school lunch bells ringing in the air,
but to be fair... 
you kind of grew up to be asshole.

Dear Jason,
You were my first notion of puppy love
who just never grew up.

Dear Marc,
You were a screw-up from the start
who just never mastered that first part.

Dear Allan,
You were the first boy whose performance I ever insulted.
I'm sorry, my teenage self was rather spiteful.
The sex was fine.
It was the rest of you I couldn't stand.

Dear Damien,
You tasted of strawberries.

Dear Mario,
You tasted of tequila
and your wife's perfume.

Dear Mark...

Dear Skyler,
4 years on I still see you as his best friend
You were my first bet.

Dear Jem,
You proved every cliche in the worst way.

Dear Roy,
You were the first boy it was simple with,
whose smiles were easy to come by,
made life just make sense,
and whose laughter was my favorite sound.

Dear Daniel,
I miss you like a song I can't quite remember the words of.

Dear Tony,
I miss you every time the couple next door screams
and I can't tell if they're fighting or making up.
Let's make up again.

Dear Ben,
You were too fake to ever induce real feelings.

Dear Bradley,
I will never forget the first time we held hands.

Dear Jake, Jack and Steven, 
You were all makes of the same model,
all rebounds from the same backboard,
variations on the theme of heartbreak.

Dear Nick,
I can't let you go.

Dear Chloe,
I wasn't as drunk as I probably should have been.

Dear Guy,
You are my favorite story.

Dear Todd,
I could never date a boy 
who used more hairspray than I.
The first night we kissed by the fire
I was afraid of standing too close.

Dear Chad,
If only that kiss had turned you straight.

Dear Connor,
You told me you were a pilot,
and I told you I was single.
Yeah... we're probably both going to hell.

Dear Liam,
You were a drunken mistake 10 years in the making.

Dear Lucas,
You were my first booty call, a common whore 
paid in unwanted T-shirts from old lovers
yet if we're being honest, your price was still too steep
for the products you were pushing.

Dear Jimmy Johns,
I wish I remembered your real name.

Dear Jarad,
I loved you then.

Dear Taylor, 
I love you still.
Even more for the fact that we will never be an 'us'
and I'm okay with that.

Dear Chris,
The bruises faded. Eventually.

Dear Luke,
I'm still not sure which of us regrets that night more.

Dear Dan,
You told me you were single.
That damn girl karma never lets anything slip.

Dear Matty,
Do you even remember my name?

Dear David,
How about the color of my eyes?

Dear Ice Block Boy,
I should take my own advice..
especially since yours is a nickname I never dare explain.

Dear.. Whoever's Next,
I'm sorry...
I'm running out of firsts.
Maybe it's about time someone tried being my last.