she missed him. not enough to want him back. she missed him just enough for it to hurt.

there are 2 kinds of crying in the world. there's the "oh no, i'm sad, need to get my emotions out" kind of crying. and then, there's the "i've been strong for too long, breakdown, sobbing for 3 hours" kind of crying. i'm afraid the second one is about to happen. it's not because i'm sad about anything in particular. it's not because i'm upset over a boy. or my family. it's not because i'm sad about my life. it's because i've held it all in for so long. i've distracted myself to the point that i don't know what to feel anymore. i've distracted myself to the point of not knowing whether i'm happy or sad. i've not dealt with my fears and emotions, so, because of such, i'm on the edge. teetering on the edge of a blade. one wrong move will make me fall. and falling this time has so much riding on it. falling this time means the end.