you're flawless.

i'm falling guys. hard.
and i'm terrified. 
but i can do this.
i know.

if you know me at all, 
you'd know that i have spent the last 2 years stuck on the same boy. 
crazy huh?
but he met his dream girl, and he's happy.
and, oddly enough, i'm happy for him. 
honestly.
i am.

but i met a new boy.
and i'm not going to say i'm in love,
because chances are i'm not. 
but i think i like this feeling.

his name is cole.
we met at school,
he's in my criminal justice class.
he has blonde hair, and blue eyes that you can just get lost in.
he's smart, and he's not afraid to tell you how he feels.
we've had some pretty intense debates.
he doesn't mind that i've made mistakes.
big ones.
he wants to meet my parents and brothers.
he asked me on a date.
we're going to see side effects. 
so stoked:)

i kind of feel like i am in junior high again.
giggly, giddy, girly. 
but, you know, i like it.
i like that i feel this way about someone else.
i honestly didn't think i ever would.

in other news: i have some huge decisions to make.
but i talked through some things yesterday and i feel 20 million pounds lighter.
it was funny,
i didn't even know i was angry.
oh but i was.
angry enough to cry.
but it's all okay now.
people change.
things happen.
and i understand that now.

we're moving.
in 2 weeks.
it's pretty crazy packing up high school.
all the memories.
all the memories...
i haven't gotten much packed.
i've mostly only sat in the middle of my bedroom and cried.
something reminds me of my penguin.
something reminds me of my grandma.
something reminds me of when i was happy and normal.
something reminds me of before the mistakes...
then i wipe off the tears until i find something else.
i never knew how many memories i had in this room.

but it is going to get better.
i just have to keep that in mind,
and i can get through the day. 
i can get through any day.