somedays... they're harder than others.

i just want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright.


it's days like these, perfect days, where nothing really goes wrong, but i still go home and sob for an hour, days like these that make me hate myself even more. why can't i just feel normal emotions and have normal thoughts like the rest of the world?

my favorite day of the year.

today is my favorite day of the whole year. for many reasons. 
a.) i have the biggest sweet tooth known to man, and a really, really, really big vulnerability for anything marshmallow-y. 
b.) i get to actually spend time with my whole family. well, sorta. my mom has work today, but she should be home for dinner and the party, so we're good.(:
c.) waking up to the smell of sticky buns in the oven and jelly beans on the table. mmmm.(:
& d.) the most important reason of all. because, without this day, i would not be able to live again after i die. because i have been so close to death so many times, this means everything to me. i'm not afraid of death, because, i know, that through my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ, and what He did for me when He suffered for all my sins, was wrongly crucified among thieves, and was, on this day, a Sunday, 2012 years ago, resurrected with a perfect body, i too can live again with my God, and my older Brother, Jesus Christ. i will never be able to comprehend the love the Father and the Son have for me. but everyday, especially on this day, i am eternally grateful, and permanantly indebted to Them. 
what better a day to remember all that has been done for us than this day?

countdown to graduation:

i have, officially, made a paper chain on my wall.(: woot.


anyways, new adventure.
yesterday, i woke up with the worst migraine i have ever had. i woke up and the light made me throw up my head hurt so bad. i went back to bed, this was at like 6 in the morning, and slept until 5:30 that night. all in all, i slept about 19 hours yesterday. but my mom was concerned when i woke up, because i was "ghost white" ((as if i'm not already.)) and my hands and feet were purple. she checked my blood pressure, which normally runs low (about 100/70), and it was 60/45. yeah. that's bad, btw. we started thinking and i was put on a medication about a week ago that was supposed to get rid of my nightmares (i have PTSD, so i have pretty horrible dreams basically every night. a new story for a new day). we read the bottle and it said "warning: may cause a drop in blood pressure." wonderful. we went to the ER. they gave me medicine to make my heart beat more. yaddah yaddah. today i feel like i have a hangover. 


woot.


don't do drugs or drink guys. hangovers suck.


in other news, again, i love texting drunk people. i woke up at 5:30 last night to 14 new messages on my phone. a few from my very worried boyfriend. the rest of my friend. who was drunk. and high. he said, and i quote, "dude. i'm riding a dinosaur!" he was high. at the dinosaur museum. sometimes, i love how my friends keep my life interesting.(: 


woot.


p.s. i get to go to my grandparents' house tonight and hang out with my cousins! yay.(: i love them.
the end.

i'm crazy.

i got my belly button pierced.
my ear cartilage will be soon.
but, you know,
i'm not a bad person.
so fuck off.
thank you.

sometimes, it's all too much.

you laugh and say i'm strange or that you hate me. well, i do too. do you think i like being like this? do you think i like being so lost? i don't. i hate pain and i hate hurting, but it seems to be all that is left in my life. so, maybe it's time. maybe it's time.

hmmm, katie is reading my blog.

true story.
once upon a time, katie and i were in the same group for prom. she is gorgeous, and super fun. now, she is in my business econ class. yayy for business-y stuff.(:


in other news,
my hands are stinkin' cold. my school is always about negative 2 billion degrees. blarg. 


the end.


p.s. aren't you glad you just wasted like 4 minutes of your life reading this useless blog post? i know you are.(:

sunday.(:

unfortunately,
i don't get to go to church today.
my parents think it's a good idea for me to watch conference.
but that's okay.(:
the best thing about God is that even when you can't attend church, or you slip up and forget to read the scriptures, or you make a mistake, He's only as far away as you push Him. your relationship strength is completely based on you. YOU are the one to push Him away, not the other way around. 
so, even though i will not be where i probably should be, i have Him with me always.(: 
and i am infinitely grateful for that.(:


ps. actual conversation with my cousins the other day.
"Meghan, when are we gonna see... ummm... that one boy... he's kind of darkish skin, and he... he's really nice... he sat by me that one day at the Family Festival when i got sick!" -Alyssa. age 11
"Well, 'Lys, sometimes, people come in and out of our lives. God does that so we can learn to let go and be less willing to break other people's hearts, okay?" - me.
"so.. we're never gonna see him again?" - Jessica. age 7
"maybe, someday. you can see him at my graduation. i bet he'd even give you a hug if you asked." - me.
"Darn it! i was gonna marry him meghan!" - Taylor. age 9
"But Taylor!!! He was mine!!! I called dibs!!!!" - Jessica.
"jess, how do you know what dibs are?" - me.
"iCarly. duh."


well, there you have it folks. my cousins are fighting over my ex-boyfriend and iCarly is, evidently, a horrible influence on little 7 year olds.(:
i love my cousins. so much. they keep my life VERY entertaining.(:
just a day in the life.